“Bananas are politically very sensitive…. (and we have to be careful how we tread when dealing with them”
– quote from an anonymous Civil Servant!)
“Oh, they’re smuggling bananas through Sandwich.”
I heard the officer say,
“It will start a trade in the land, which
Will wipe competition away;
For duty evaded is twenty percent.
Why, with all that spare cash I’d have paid off my rent,
With some spare for a trip to Thailand which
I promised myself one fine day!”
So they sent five brave people to Sandwich
To bring the smugglers to bay;
And they set up their posts down the strand,which
Resembled mere beach huts by day..
But the officers kept their watch all through the night
In their windy old tents they all guarded their right
To charge twenty percent on bananas.
O dear, alack a day.
Now the five who were posted in Sandwich
Were treading with caution ‘round ten
For they’d heard of a ship by the sand, which
Was full of bananas;but then
Our officer Smith heard a cry from the shore:
“We have no bananas!” ….He replied “Tell me more”
Down he rushed, down he slithered, and then there were four:
Oh dear, alack a day.
The four who were waiting at Sandwich
Went down then to visit the crew
Who were friendly and offered their hand ,which
Worried our fine boys in blue.
Our officer Brown accepted some tea
Which was laced with fine whisky – so then there were three
To stop smuggled bananas from coming by sea.
Oh dear, alack a day.
The three in the ship down at Sandwich
Decided to visit the hold
To see this great contraband,which
Was truly there, as they’d been told.
Our officer Black peers into a crate
Disturbs a huge spider, runs off at a rate,
And leaves two to save Britain from her fruity fate.
Oh dear alack a day.
The two in the ship down at Sandwich
Were locked in the hold by the crew.
For a month there was just contraband,which
Could sustain the unfortunate two.
When let out, they ran wildly through Sandwich – and sadly
The bananas were eaten, or else had gone badly..
Oh dear alack a day!
© D W Solomons 1979
(written in memory of an HMCE case involving misdescription of bananas )
