Word of the Day

Some of my Limericks and Doggerel based on Loughborough University English Department’s “Word of the day” tweets

GRAMMATICASTER, a petty and pretentious grammar pedant

The difference between Grammaticaster
and pedant
may be hard to tell apart by their teeth
but a pedant’s dentistry is alabaster
whilst the former has rubber underneath.

HAECCEITY (pronounced ‘hex-see-ity’), the quality that makes something different from everything else.

The thing about Mexico City
Is surely just its haecceity
It is so high in altitude
You must admire its attitude
It will survive the highest flood
While other capitals in the mud
Just sink down in perplexity

PLEBICOLIST – someone who wins over the common people.

When a politician is in a twist
And all his promises are fully missed
He’ll bluff his way out
He’ll scream and he’ll shout
And the proles will still deem him plebicolist

ENOPTROMANCY – divination with a mirror

Who does Nancy fancy?
Try enoptromancy …
If Nancy doesn’t fancy you, I fear
You’ll see it in the mirror clear

GEMEBUND – constant moaning

The wind outside blows gemebund
So I’ll don my cummerbund
I won’t be cold
Although I’m old
But my cheeks will grow quite rubicund

FIDGIN-FAIN restless with curiosity or excitement

It may well cause that pigeon pain
To peck my window every day
But he is so fidgin fain
He almost wears his beak away!

GRAVEDO – a head cold

Those with gravedos
Don’t have to wear speedos
In Loughborough’s sports
But they need to take heed o’
The need in aikido
for clothes of some sorts….

ANANYM – a name written backwards

My nana’s name was Gertrude
But she daren’t use it now
‘Cos her ananym is Edurtreg
The health care firm in Slough!

FORJESKIT – exhausted from work

As I put on my weskit
I thought I’d be forjeskit
By the end of the day
But my dear friend John Heskett
Designed me a press kit
Then all was child’s play

TAUTOOUSIOUS – being exactly the same

These skirts are tautoousious!
Claimed mother in the shop
But one made her feel taughter
Than the one she’d bought her daughter

PAUCILOQUENT – using few words

Willy is truly pauciloquent
He’s not effusive or eloquent
when he tells us “oh blow!”
nobody would know
his regrets on the scent he’d sent Millicent

ADVESPERATE – going towards evening

Watch the day advesperate
While we’re getting desparate
The kindly curate whispers
Don’t fear, let’s just sing Vespers.

VESPERTINE – happening at evening

The football match was vespertine
And I was fast asleep.
If it had been matinutine
I might have had a peep…..

IMBONITY – lacking any virtues

A young man accused of imbonity
Was hurt in his feelings and vanity
But to Boston he moved
And his value he proved
By selling locals a ton o’tea

CUNICULOUS – full of rabbits

My garden is cuniculous
My dog, who’s quite meticulous
Went out to chase them
Could not outpace them
And so now he feels quite ridiculous

URBICOLOUS: living in a town

Now these days I’ve gone quite urbicolous
My garden is no more cuniculous
The rabbits have left
Sure! they’re feeling bereft
Cos my carrots are small and ridiculous

CONATION: mental processes that relate to wanting, intending, or trying to do something

The equation was a conation
And the student solved it with elation
She merely used links
In the chain of her thinks
And came to a concatenation

YEPSEN, the amount your cupped hands can hold

Clint starred in a “of dollars a Yepsen”
But it didn’t star Charlton Hepson
An oversight!
Let’s put it right:
The remake should star Charlton’s stepson

FINIFUGAL, used to describe someone who doesn’t want something to end – e.g. summer, or a really good book

A musician was quite finifugal
And never stopped playing his bugle
But his neighbour was keen
On a more peaceful scene
And found a solution on google

FLAMBUGINOUS, used to describe something sham or deceptive

Some say that Don Trump is flambuginous
But he he claims that the rest are ingenuous
He calls it fake news
But the side you might choose
Will find all the rest quite litiginous

IPSEDIXITISM, dogmatism (from the Latin ipse dixit, meaning ‘he himself said so’)

Ipsedixitism
Is bound to cause a schism
My cat miaows dissent
But my dog is intent
Both in dogmatism and in catechism

INFUCATION, putting on make-up

Why ladies paint their lovely face I’ll never understand
It hides their natural skin beneath, I’d rather it were banned
But infucation is the trend
They’ll spread it on and there’s no end
So when you kiss that made-up cheek
The taste of powder lasts a week
(And when you kiss those lips so glossed
The natural feeling is quite lost.)

BETWEENITY, indecision.

When your choices can come from infinity
You cannot be blamed for betweenity
but you can decide
and go for ride
twixt every choice with impunity

SNUDGE, to stride around as if you’re terribly busy when you’re doing absolutely nothing

There was a young Python called Idle
Whose jokes nobody could bridle
If you dared to snudge
He would answer “nudge nudge”
Making lesser folk feel suicidal

ATYCHIPHOBIA, fear of failure

A small boy was frightened of failing
He wouldn’t join others in sailing
He said “I can’t swim”
‘Twas too hard for him
So this tichy phobe watched from the railing

CHIROSPASM, writer’s cramp

Every writer has ’em,
They open up a chasm
when fingers curl,
you’re in a whirl
your pen’s just stuck in chirospasm

CACOGRAPHY, bad writing or spelling.

She thought that her verses were sapphic
But her spelling was quite cacographic
when she wrote to her lover
’twas sent to another
The result was hardly seraphic!

CEPHALONAMANCY, fortune-telling (or identifying a criminal) by boiling an ass’s head

A poor old judge was getting frantic
The crimes involved were quite gigantic
So he asked around in his confusion
And an occultist had the solution
He should try being cephalonamantic!

CAPIFUGILISM refusal to use capital letters (my own suggested neologism)

ee cummings espoused capifugilism
(that’s my own neologism!)
he wrote what he thunk
but on meeting a hunk
he eschewed an offer for pugilism

OR

ee cummings was capifugilistic
(that’s me being quite neologistic!)
he wrote what he thunk
but on meeting a hunk
he preferred not to be pugilistic

SATISDICTION, enough said

Mick Jagger can’t get no satisfaction
and he tried and he tried and he tried
I heard the song to satisdiction
and my headphones are fried are fried are fried

QUIDAM, an unknown person

She was mugged by a quidam in Sydenham
Or it could have been Maidstone or Tidenham
Her mem’ries were gone
Along with her phone
and he wouldn’t tell her where he’d hidden ’em

AILUROMANCY, divining the future by watching the way a cat jumps

My dearest Nancy loves her cat
Ailurophilia is where it’s at
And when she watches how it jumps
She can foresee life’s little bumps
Ailuromantic ailurophile
Let’s stay and watch her cat awhile!

INCREPATION, criticism or censure.

The media crits are never satiated
A politician’s fated to be increpated
A pop star’s vexed
‘Cos she comes next
Most “heads above the parapet” are hated

SQUABASH, to crush by criticism

He felt abashed
Nay, rather fashed
They claimed his poetry was hashed
He was squabashed
But he his royalties encashed
Although his teeth he gnashed!

KALSARIKÄNNI (Finnish) – to get drunk alone, at home in your underwear with no intention of going out

You know our mate Kenny
Drinks he had many
But no clothes, not any
To Helsinki he went
And his money he spent
On kalsarikänni …

CACESTOGENOUS, caused by an unfavourable home environment.

He blamed cacestogeny
For the behaviour of his progeny
But feelings that lodge in us
Aren’t always cacestogenous
They may all be born bad boys
Who love to break their siblings’ toys

CACOPHONOPHILIST, lover of harsh sounds.

Some synaesthetic novelists
Are also cacophonophilists
Their audio-books
Emit grunts and hoots
and noises they get from zoophilists

SPECTROPHOBIA, fear of looking in the mirror.

He suffers from spectrophobia
‘Cos he fears his looks are frightful
But his wife, who’s called Zenobia,
Finds the mirror quite delightful

EUPHELICIA, healthiness resulting from having all one’s wishes granted.

Oh I miss ya
Patricia
But I wish ya
Euphelicia
Can’t kiss ya
Patricia
But still wish ya
Eupehilicia

AGATHOKAKOLOGICAL, composed of both good and evil elements.

My dear aunt Agatha could tell good from bad
And was friends with the curate of “curate’s egg” fame
When he told her about the egg that he had
“How agathokakological!” she would exclaim.

CACIQUE, a slightly pompous person. Alternatively, a political boss.

In the world of politique
You have to be cacique
Unless you are pretty
Or unusually witty
Then it’s enough to be chique

HODMANDOD, a strange person

I saw a hodmandod
as down the street he trod
listening to Ken Dodd
on his brand new touch-ipod
he chuckled and he laughed
and he seemed to be quite daft
but he knew that Ken was God
that wise old hodmandod!

APTRONYM, a name that sounds like its owner’s occupation

Neil Sleet and Sarah Blizzard
Met Amy Freeze, just by hazard
She told them life was fairly grim
Yet better for her aptronym

ULTRACREPIDATE, to criticise something that is beyond one’s sphere of knowledge.

He loved to ultracrepidate
Whenever he went out on a date
But he met his match
When he criticised “Batch”
That’s how he called Bach to his ex-date Kate.

SNARLEYYOW, a slang term for a dog.

I often meet a snarleyyow
when I go down the lane
Most of them are friendly now
But some are quite insane
They snarl and growl
They bark and howl
But I don’t care
Don’t turn a hair
Their growling is in vain.

FORWALLOWED, a 15th-century word meaning ‘wearied from tossing and turning all night in bed

Because of some cheese that he swallowed
Poor Albert was sadly forwallowed
If only he’d eaten
Something with meat in
And his doctor’s advice he had followed!

QUISQUOUS, perplexing.

My cat Pusspuss
finds couscous
quite quisquous
I told him not to make a fussfuss
But he won’t eat his couscous

NESIOTE – living on a island

The Brits are obviously nesiote
The Manx are even more so
But isolation
Is no vacation
When your name is Robinson Crusoe

AMPOLLOSITY, bombastic or pompous style.

(To be sung to the Major General’s tune in The Pirates of Penzance)

There was a major gen’ral who was famous for ferocity
No other man could beat him since he rode with such velocity
He talked his rivals down and with his famous ampollosity
He laughed them to submission with his caustic animosity
— errr
’til he ran out of words to feed his great pomposity

ANTEPHIALTIC – preventing nightmares

My great aunt Mary
Often dreamed of the Baltic
Her dreams were often scary
She should have had an antephialtic

TERDIURNAL, three times a day.

Take this medicine terdiurnally.
Forget it? You’ll regret it quite infernally!
Since if you don’t hitch on
The doctor’s prescription
You’ll feel a nasty rumbling internally!

XYRESIC, razor-sharp.

There was a young lady from Beswick
Whose humour was truly xyresic
But Pope Yeats and Forster
Inspired her, nay! forced her
To move to the wittier Chiswick

SEPICOLOUS, living in hedges.

The dictionary of Scrabble
Claims sepicolous isn’t allowed
It just shows the Scrabble rabble
Is ignorant and proud
If they saw a plant that grows in a hedge
They’d say “It’s just a homeless veg,
But on no account sepicolous
That would be ridiculous.”

Return to Writings Page

Return to Main Page